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Knight Guy

He had spotted the castle just before making camp the night before, the last late rays of sunlight striking the gleaming white stone and painting the towers a golden orange. Behind it was the glittering sea, just as he’d seen it in his dreams. He’d smiled, knowing that his quest was at an end.

After a night of fitful sleep, he set out, mounting his charger at dawn and riding down out of the hills at a good, solid clip. He reached the castle before noon. As he approached, he spotted a figure gowned in green, walking along the outer wall. Any last vestiges of a doubt he might have harbored in his heart fled when he heard the song, the beautiful clear voice wafting down from the ramparts.

He drew his horse to a halt a short distance from the base of the high wall. The singing, too, stopped.

“My lady!” he called. “Please, my lady… I beg a moment of your time!”

“Yes?” the same beautiful voice replied, a little uncertainly.

“My lady, my name is Sir Roderick of Dunhall,” the knight said. “For thrice three years, I have been haunted by a dream, a most singular dream about a most singular lady. For all that time, her face, her voice… her beauty… has danced in my sleep and afflicted my waking hours with what was at first a most pleasant distraction. As the years went on, though, I found myself increasingly preoccupied with thoughts of my dream-damsel. I sought out a soothsayer who told me that I would find her, living in a castle of white stone on the shore of a great sea. I set off at once, sharing my tale to any who would listen. I described the castle and the face of my inamorata to any who traveled far and wide, hoping that someone would know them… and at long last, after many wrong turns and false trails, I believe I have found her. If you will only show yourself to me, so that I can confirm that you are the lady of my dreams, then we can be wed this very day and I shall be the happiest man upon this earth.”

There was no reply at first. Sir Roderick held his breath. Then, he saw movement…a glimpse of golden curls as the lady peeked down at him from the high parapet. It was just a glimpse, but it left him dizzy. Her hair was the exact shade of his dream lady’s.

“My lady?” he said.

“I think you have the wrong castle,” she said.

“I am certain that I do not!” he said. “Please, lady, allow me to look on you, so that I may know that you are the one I am destined to wed.”

“I’d rather not,” she said.

“But… if you are the one who has come to me in my dreams…”

“I do not control my own dreams, Sir Roderick,” she said, “and I am certainly not responsible for any of yours.”

“My lady, I have come so far.”

“I didn’t make you do that,” the lady said.

“But I have ridden for…”

“Is your steed magic?” she asked. “Does the mere act of riding him often change people’s minds? Or shall I marry you as an act of sympathy for his saddle sores?”

“Please, if you’ll only just show me your face…”

“What will that accomplish?” she asked.

“It will prove that what I am saying is true,” he said.

“That you’ve been dreaming of me? I believe you,” she said.

“Then… will you accept my love?”

“Don’t be ridiculous… I do not know you, nor do I long to.”

“But I have dreamed of you… this is my destiny.”

“But what?” she asked. “Am I not allowed any say in this? Do your dreams and your destiny mean that I am not allowed to have my own dreams, my own destiny? If I did appear to you in your dreams, did you ever ask me what I felt? Or why I was there? Did you ask the soothsayer if I had my own beloved, or how I would feel about being asked to marry a man I’ve never met?”

Do you have a beloved?” Sir Roderick asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I am not interested in you.”

“My lady, if you mean to test my devotion, know that I am prepared… though I have been sorely tested already.”

“Silly knight, your devotion doesn’t interest me,” she said. “How can I make that any plainer?”

“I’m ready to fight for your honor. I will duel any man, slay any dragon, bring you any tribute… only tell me what you wish for, and I shall make it so.”

“I wish to be left alone,” the lady said. “I wish to be free of men who regard me as a trophy to be won, who think that I should be overjoyed to be a mere figurant in their dreams. I wish to have my own wishes respected, when I make them clear and particularly when they touch most strongly on myself and my own disposition.”

“I see,” Sir Roderick said. “And, so… if I were respect your wishes for now, do you think that in time you may grow to return my love?”

“In what respect will you respect me, if you only do so in exchange for what you want?”

“My lady, I do not like to mention this because I do not like to brag, but I am the heir to the throne of High Dunhall,” Sir Roderick said. “I will one day be its king, and if you marry me, you will be my queen. Does that not make a difference to you?”

“Does anything I say make a difference to you?”

“My lady, I think that perhaps you are not thinking things through.”

“I am going to count to five and then I am going to call for archers,” the lady said. “One…”

“Indeed, my lady, that’s quite enough!” Sir Roderick said, wheeling his horse around. “You’ve made yourself clear! I shall away with me, and bother you no more. There is no need to lower yourself to such base threats.”

“Apparently there was,” she called. “You would not shift yourself for any words I could conjure alone.”

“Have you nothing else to say, knowing that I have dreamt of you every night for nigh unto a decade, knowing how far I have come and knowing that I am heir to a great kingdom?”

“Yes,” she said. “Two…”

“I’m going, I’m going!”

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Matters of Perspective

“You see?” the first man said, pointing over the railing of the boat at a pair of otters. “The otters use rocks to crack the shell. If that’s not tool use…”

“Perhaps to a layperson,” his companion said. “I’m not convinced that ‘tool use’ is as simple as all that. The rock is something in their environment that they make use of… but then, so are the shellfish. We may as well label eating as ‘tool use’ since it involves making use of an object. If otters could be observed shaping the rocks, fashioning something from them…”

“So, then, when a bird strips the bark off a twig before using it to dig insects out of…”

“Well, now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“How am I being ridiculous?” the first man asked. “It fits the definition you just gave.”

“Birds and twigs… instinctive behavior!”

“Who says tool use can’t be instinctive?”

“If we’re talking about tool use as a meaningful signifier of intelligence…”

“That’s such a slippery term.”

The floating otters watched the boat drifting slowly out of sight, listening to the babel of increasingly agitated sound coming from the cute, clownish creatures who stood on the floating hulk. They almost sounded intelligent.

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Just Desert

The sun had been high in the sky when he’d started walking.

It had not made much of a move towards any horizon in all the time since then, instead passing a lazy circuit overhead, moving just enough that he could be sure it was moving, that time was passing in the midst of the single endless day.

The landscape was also not quite unchanging. The dusty plain was very flat and extended past the horizon in every direction, but as he walked landmarks did eventually come into view… a rock, a stubby little tree, a wooden post.

The first time he saw an indistinct shape rising up in the distance, he’d grown excited… and more excited still when it came into focus tall and narrow, like the shape of a man. He’d been slightly disappointed to find out it was a rough pillar of stone about five feet tall, but only slightly. Until he’d spotted it, he’d wondered if he was walking in circles, or if the whole plain was really one tiny plot of dirt that repeated over and over again. Finding that first little bit of variation gave him hope, hope that he was getting somewhere, that he was going somewhere, that the place in which he’d found himself was a real place… that there might be someone else in it, somewhere.

So he’d trudged on. He knew neither hunger nor thirst in his new body, nor real fatigue… when he walked at more than a moderate pace he felt the strain and had to slow down, but he never grew so tired that he had to stop and rest. He could walk forever, it seemed.

He kept an eye out for anything that stood out in the distance and veered towards it. What he was really looking for was anything that moved, of course, or anything that showed signs of human use or human habitation. With each aberrant item he spotted, he felt somewhat less hopeful but no less disappointed.

He’d thought of himself as a loner, during his life… he’d always felt he got on just fine in his own company. If he could be sure that he was alone in the desert, he was certain that he wouldn’t mind so much, but in the infinite expanse there was always the chance that he might encounter someone, he might find companionship for a moment or an eternity, he might find a friend or a lover or even an enemy, someone to give him a reason to keep going or to stop, someone to help him make some kind of sense of his new existence.

Time passed… rather a lot of it, in fact. Nothing of substance changed.

He walked on, alone.

Sartre had been wrong. Hell wasn’t other people, after all.

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Perchance To Dream

“So, what else you got?” the kid asked.

“Well… I’ve got this new thing,” the pusher said. “Don’t know if it would be in your line, though. It’s a little different.”

“What, is that supposed to make me want it more?”

“No,” the pusher said. “It’s honestly just not to everyone’s taste. If I recommended it to everybody, I’d have a lot of unhappy customers.”

“What is it?”

“It’s called ’sleep’,” the pusher said. “Synthetic neurochemicals that activate some kind of vestigial brain function that no one’s used in a couple hundred years.”

“‘Sleep’? Like a computer?”

“Yeah, basically,” the pusher said. “It puts you into power saving mode and runs a screen saver inside your brain… sort of like hallucinations, sort of like memories. It’s hard to describe. But not everybody has them all of the time.”

“What happens if you don’t?” the kid asked. “You just… sort of stand there until you come down?”

“No, you wanna make sure you’re sitting down or preferably reclining somewhere before you take it,” the pusher said. “Because your whole body goes kind of limp, you see. You’ll end up on the floor if you try to take it standing up.”

“So this stuff makes you lie down on the floor, unable to do anything? And sometimes gives you some kind of visions? Doesn’t it get really boring if you don’t have them?”

“Not really,” the pusher said. “Your consciousness is sort of… shut off. You’re not aware of anything that happens outside your head or the passage of time, at all, when you ’sleep’.”

“That’s some lame trip,” the kid said. “Why would anybody want that?”

“To get out of their lives for a while maybe? I don’t know,” the pusher said. “Some people who take it regularly say they feel more relaxed, sharper during the rest of the day, but I don’t know that you’d that notice that after one trip.”

“How long does it last?”

“About eight hours, give or take,” the pusher said.

“Shit, I can’t do that,” the kid said. “I’ve got stuff to do.”

“Like I said, it’s not for everyone.”

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O. Henry, You Devil

“Well, this is embarrassing,” the devil said.

“Ain’t no shame in losing honestly,” Johnny said. “Even if it’s the only honest thing you ever do.”

“Yeah, well, there’s the rub,” the devil said. “See, I wasn’t completely honest.”

“You don’t… you don’t actually have a gold fiddle, do you?”

“Not solid gold,” the devil said. He waved his hand, and a shiny if somewhat crinkly looking instrument appeared. “The foil is real gold leaf, but underneath, it’s… well… chocolate.”

Johnny stared at the devil for a moment, then burst out laughing.

“At least you have a sense of humor about it,” the devil said, handing over the gold-wrapped fiddle.

“I guess you don’t recognize me,” Johnny said.

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve met before,” Johnny said. “When I was ’bout twelve, thirteen… I ran into you at a crossroads and you made me a deal. I gave you my soul then and there, and in exchange you made me…”

“…the best damned fiddle player the world had ever seen,” the devil said, realization washing over him.

“That’s right,” Johnny said, shaking his head with a big, goofy grin on his face. “The best damned fiddle player… heck, I tried to throw the match, since if you beat me it would prove that I wasn’t the best and I could get out of our deal, but… I guess it doesn’t work that way? Because no matter what I tried, I played to beat the devil anyway.”

“Yeah, that’s how it works,” the devil said.

“So, you never had a gold fiddle…” Johnny said.

“…and you didn’t have your soul,” the devil said.

“Chocolate?” Johnny said, breaking the fiddle’s neck and proffering a piece.

“Sure,” the devil said. “Though it’s not actually very good chocolate.”

“I suppose it wouldn’t be.”

“Nope.”

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The Dance of the Damned

16 July 1923

I fear it has started again. Despite all of my precautions, depite the traps and the presence of my faithful cats, it has begun. The protestations of my friend the captain as to impossibility of the testimony of my senses notwithstanding, the facts are irrefutable. The sound in the walls, the mad frenzied scrabbling beneath the surface of the solid-seeming limestone, is only the prelude, the first herald of my nightly torment.

They tell me that I am distracted, that my mind plays tricks on me. This they say to my face. Behind my back, I am sure that they call me mad. I would swear to the Holy Virgin that I am as sane as I was when first I moved to my ancestral home, insofar as I am able to recognize insanity when I see it. What follows each night as once-still curtains sway in sudden draughts and ancient tapestries writhe with the multitude of scurrying, skittering, chittering bodies boiling out of the walls behind them is nothing less than the very distilled essence of madness itself.

Am I mad? I, who have faced this terrible sight thrice thus far? I who alone have stood as mute witness to this secret horror of rhythmic rodentia? No doubt my nerves have suffered somewhat from the ongoing ordeal, but I defy any of my supposed friends or my innumerable enemies to remain as calm, as steady, as resolutely sane as I am when they see the hamsters come out to dance.

Da da di da di do do

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Haunted

The attempt was doomed from the outset, of course. He had never had more than the ghost of a chance. Still, that had been tantalizing enough that he had steeled up his courage to ask her anyway. When she turned him down, it was no surprise to anyone… least of all to him. He could see it coming the whole time he was speaking, had seen it coming even before he opened his mouth.

The whole long scene replayed itself in his head for the rest of the day, and for much of the week beyond that… the awful crushing inevitability of it all losing none of its grip on him to the power of either time or distance. It would continue to well up within him from time to time, throughout that week and the next month and all the long years after that. Even much later, when he was happily married and comfortably established in his career and in all other regards far removed from the boy he’d been in high school, it still came back to him at odd moments, threatening to overwhelm him with disappointment or frustration or embarrassment.

There are those who say that we always regret most the things that we do not do, the risks that we do not take. These are people who have never been haunted by the ghost of a chance.

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The Price of Freedom

“Is twenty dollars enough?” he asked her.

“You know I told you I don’t feel right charging you,” she said.

“I don’t feel right taking your time for nothing,” he said. “It’s my own money. It doesn’t come from the church.”

“Okay, then,” she said, taking the bill from him. “You want the same thing as last time?”

“Yes,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “Yes, please.”

“Okay,” she said. She looked down and cleared her throat. “Forgive me, Father,” she said, in a loud, clear voice.

“I don’t want to,” he said. “I’d really rather not. In fact… I think I won’t.”

“Okay,” she said. “Is that what you wanted?”

“Yes,” he said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Yes. Bless you. Yes.”

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Save Your Breath

Rage.

Sing not to me, oh Muse, of the rage of Achilles, son of Peleus. Sing not of the rage of the one who brought so much misfortune upon the Achaeans, hastening so many souls down to Hades, offering up so much prey to dogs and vultures. Sing not a word of how the dire wrath within Achilles grew. Sing not one note about the anger of the god-born killer, doomed to die.

Mention nothing of the murderous, drunken and poison-borne rages of Heracles. Bother me not with the pride-driven rage of Aristodemus. Forget the deadly warp-spasms of CĂș Chulainn. Leave unsung paeans to any great berserkers of old.

The hottest burning rage in antiquity is but the trembling flame of a draught-plagued candle to me, oh Muse, for I have seen a web stretched across the width of the world with many untrue things woven into its face, and each and every one of them kindles within me a bonfire of wrath to rival Hephaestus’s forge.

RAEG.

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Ignorance Is Bliss

The little girl looked out the window of the airplane. It was the second leg of what seemed to her like a very long journey. She’d begged for a window seat for both of the flights, but the first one had been in darkness and she’d seen very little but lights far below. They had been pretty, in a way… a lot like stars, in fact. She’d thought they were stars, actually, until she asked her mother, who had disabused her of that notion swiftly and in a very no-nonsense way.

“No, honey,” her mother had said in a very tired voice. “Those are just lights. Street lights, cars, lights in buildings. Nothing special.”

“Oh,” the girl had said, disappointed, and she’d turned her attention away from the window for the rest of the flight.

On this flight, though, she had been able to see the green and brown of fields and the gray strips that were roads and the tiny-looking buildings, at least for the beginning of it… but as the plane had climbed higher and higher, eventually it had broken through the ceiling of clouds hanging over the city and now when she looked out, clouds were all she could see… a vast and snowy expanse of them.

At least, she thought they were clouds. She was enjoying looking at them, and wasn’t about to ask her mother, just in case they weren’t.

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