The Little Shop That Was Totally There Yesterday (And Still Is There Today)

on May 11, 2010 in Fantasy

The boy stormed back into the little shop, throwing the door open so wide that it slammed into the wall and rattled the knicknacks, bric-and-brac, and assorted bottles that lined most of the shelves. He threw an item down on the counter.

“You told me this was a magic can opener,” he said to the shopkeeper, who wasn’t at all flustered by this display.

“So I did,” the shopkeeper said.

“It doesn’t work!” the boy said.

“How very strange,” the shopkeeper said. “What exactly was the problem?”

“It doesn’t even open cans!” the boy said. “I can’t believe I fell for your lies, after you sold me that stupid magic feather that didn’t do anything…”

“The bird from whom I got it assured me that it had enabled her to fly,” the shopkeeper said. “She even showed me.”

“…and that stupid magic mirror I exchanged it for…”

“I’ll admit that the enchanter who made that particular item had a remarkably straightforward idea of what ‘showing things as they truly are’ entails.”

“…and the hat you said I could pull rabbits from that I traded that for.”

“You could have when the hat was made, but myxomatosis is a pernicious disease, sadly,” the shopkeeper said. “Wipes out a warren just like that. Still, I stand by my merchandise, which is why I let you return the hat… despite my very liberal return policy not covering headwear for reasons of safety and sanitation. The customer is always right, you know.”

“Well, this time you’re not talking me into taking any more of your junk,” the boy said. “I want my money back.”

“Ah. Yes. Of course,” the shopkeeper said. “But after allowing you to return three items in the course of a week, I’m afraid I can’t take this back unless it’s demonstrably defective.”

“I already told you, it doesn’t work,” the boy said.

“You’ll have to demonstrate that.”

“Do you got a can?”

“Not on the premises, no,” the shopkeeper said. “Bottles and vials and urns are more in my line, I’m afraid.”

“Fine, then I guess I’ll go get one,” the boy said.

“Very good,” the shopkeeper said. “Just make sure that it’s a magic one.”

“What?”

“The can,” the shopkeeper said. “Make sure it’s magic. It won’t be a proper demonstration otherwise.”

“Where am I supposed to get a magic can from?”

“Well, you should have thought of that before you bought a magic can opener.”

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2 Responses to “The Little Shop That Was Totally There Yesterday (And Still Is There Today)”

  1. Jane Williams says:

    And to think i was extolling the virtues of the hyphen only yesterday.

  2. MistyCat says:

    If the magic in the can has a “use by” date, mark the date from your palm on your palm with magic marker.

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